PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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