my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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