I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
