I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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