it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
