I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
