Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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