Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
