i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
