It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
