she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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