well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
