Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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