I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
