I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
