Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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