I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
