these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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