So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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