Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
