please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
