God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
