Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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