After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
