I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
