May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
