you guys were way drunker than both of me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
