i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
