dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
