dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
