Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
