matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
whose parrot is this?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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