My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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