plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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