why didn't you poke me back
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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