His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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