hotel room ftw
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
