i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
