So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
