Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
