i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i've created a new STD.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
