He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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