also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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