Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
