could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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