it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
