I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it because I queefed?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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