So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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