ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
