i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
