is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
