What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
