He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
