I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
