It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
