Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
