I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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