of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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